Life is wondrous, hard, unfair and strange. There is a beauty in the symmetry that Atticus has woven into his life, whether by his masterful writing or because I'm a pattern seeking human and find patterns, regardless this is beauty & art, honest & true.
There is a moment in the book, where he writes about this pastor who has been counseling him, he writes "what comes next..." and I think to myself, "oh no! he is going to be molested!" although, in that moment, I had forgotten that Atticus had said in the opening of his book that he had not suffered that, yet then the pastor does something that is far worse in a way then molestation - he does an exorcism. By "driving out" the demons, this otherwise well meaning man has instead infused my online friend with demons that will haunt him for years to come. He had spiritually molested him.
There is this chapter that begins the year with a maglite smashing a window, and a man yelling. The year ends with his ""friends"" (not enough quotes in the universe to indicate how much of "friends" they were to him) who broke into a house and used a maglite- I forget now as I write this review if they used it to bash in the window, but that would be fitting. That is how he frames this year, a black maglite. Yet, I saw a second frame that could be there, as he is yelling now at the boy who he loves (& who uses him) giving him what for. Here is a man out of control yelling at the start, here is a man yelling in control at the end. Insanity vs righteous anger. What a wondrous tapestry.
I get excited when I find people's names from youtube I know. "Hey I know that persons work! Oh yay!" I get even more excited far latter as he mentions the "deconverted" & mentions as well as explains logical fallacies and talks about being a skeptic. I think to myself, "Yay! I know what those things are!" I feel like he is talking to me though this book.
I feel for him, as he painfully struggles with OCD, something I've had for a very long time. The god believe interacts with this, and makes it worse then otherwise. What would Atticus be like had he never been made aware of this God concept? Who can say, or know. We know he will deconvert, yet this isn't about that, not really. I was surprised at how little of this book is his deconversion, as if that was taken care of on youtube, its all the life leading up to that moment that needs to be told.
He tells it. I want him to succeed, I worry what will happen to him next, and want things to go his way, yet I know as I read that this is life, and there is random chaos here, who knows what will happen next?
Yet he makes it, by the skin of his teeth so to speak. He worries about being an adult - "Am I an adult now?" he ponders, I smile, grateful that someone besides myself has worried about such things.
I wanted to ask Atticus what he would write about me, if there was a part two, but his next book will not be about real life things. Alas, I wanted to know how he would frame me in his writings, what would he say about "Deconverted Man" what were his thoughts on me? Could my ego handle it? Would it be good, bad or bland? Who knows. Perhaps its best I not know in a way. Yet, because I'm highly narcissistic I find myself wondering about "me" - as I read his life story, I wonder about my life story, I think about how I would write my story. I wonder how Atticus can remember whole conversations. I reflect upon what his life was vs what my life was. Perhaps this is what it is to read anyone's biography, although he calls it his memoir.
Regardless, I've had the pleasure to interact with this man online from time to time, and in my brain I think of him as an "online friend" whatever that means, these labels are not always helpful. I guess what I mean is that I would want him to be a friend in "real life" as if the internet is not real life as well, in a way it is not, in a way it is. The people I've connected with online, are they friends or just online friends? Is there a difference? Should there be? Ah low, Atti, you've gotten me thinking deeply. Was that what you intended?
Anyway, I like him in my own way. I beat him in a debate once. So badly that he exploded the video in fact. I'm not going to let him forget that Lobsters won. I'm sure he will say that Turtles won. Since the video is gone I could explain this, but I'll let it be an inside joke for those who were around to have seen that video, and for him and I to share publicly this silly thing we did online together once. Something I hope to redo one day, if I can get him to do it of course.
The book is well written. I want more. I want to read everything and anything he writes. He is really, really good. I like the short chapters. I like how he can make you want more - he will write things like "the next thing was even worse" Yet, this is not over done, nor is it in every chapter, yet it was enough that I didn't want to stop reading.
His final statement in the book is profound, I think Atticus wanted to say something epic to conclude this bit of his life story, and I think he did. Is it odd to enjoy someone's life story? I do not know, but I did, I saw much of myself here as I did of Atticus. Again, maybe that is the point.
Life is a tangled tapestry of travesty and turtles, lo lob the lobsters towards logic: May it save us all.
